Stayin' Alive

You know what the biggest challenge in my life is? Staying alive.
I'm talking about the three things you gotta do every day. Eating,
drinking fluids, and peeing. Now I know you are saying to yourself,
"But Drew I poop everyday? Shouldn't you include that?" The answer is
no. You can hold poop in forever, its a fact.

Eating: I find eating so incredibly annoying. I either have to
grocery shop (I have once in the last six months) or travel to an
establishment where food is prepared for me. This requires getting
off the couch, driving, dealing with places having times they are open
and closed, paying money, quite a hassle. I'd rather just sit on my
couch then go through all that rigmarole.

Fluids: Perhaps this is not as challenging. I do have a faucet and
glasses. But it seems like every time I've just finished a glass of
water, a few hours later I need another one? I'm pretty much in a
constant state of dehydration. And it leads to all that peeing.

Peeing:Maybe a little background is required to understand why
peeing is so obnoxious, and these two other seemingly easy things... which bring
people much joy are a constant burden to my life. I spent much of the
last four years in the Marines. Basically doing whatever I want. If
I had to pee I'd pull down my pants and do it. Societal designated
facilities be damned. I find toilets an incredible burden on my life.

I guess that explains the public urination charge on my record, that's
my low hanging fruit.

JDH MWC 05