Why farm, when you can Farmville?

Facebook isn't just growing, it's evolving. What started as a way to put pictures and personal info together in an on-line friends database, facebook has now turned the corner. You don't just waste time looking at photo albums of Amy's trip to Bermuda (hot bikini shots included), now you can play video games, too. Vidoegames like Farmville. You don't know what's up? Farmville, that's what's up.

I read the Grapes of Wrath and Of Mice and Men in high school. That shit sounded hard. You had to wake up at sunrise everyday and go milk some cows, harvest some hay, and even put down your oversized mentally challenged buddy for commiting murder. Also, this dust bowl garbage is going on, leaving you out of work and with no land walking around america like a fucking nomad. No way. You probably got real dirty and eat crappy food. You never get laid cause you spend all your time trying to cheer up Preacher Casey, which sucks. Halfway through English class Junior year I decided NC State's school of Agriculture was not in my top 5 choices for college. Chumps.

But then I found farmville, and now I'm like...hell yea. Why break your balls day in and day out trying to plant real crops when I can build an empire in a month. Bitch, I got 25 neighbors and counting, and we all fertilize each other crops. You think horses are cool, I got like 6, and they are all througouhbred I assure you. You in the mood for an apple, fuck that, I got a row of avocado treess. They make the dankest gaucamole.

My little Farmville man has an afro AND a chin strap. You can't even grow proper facial hair. Last week I bought an oversized snowflake, cause that's just one of like 50 seasonal decorations I can buy. I drink red bull and eat Fritos while harvasting my cabbage. That's right, cabbage. That shit makes me bank. I got like $200k in reserve. You know how much real money I have in the bank. Not that much.

I've got three houses and counting. That means I could probably take on 3 wives, just like Bill Paxton in Big Love. You know how awesome he is. This one time I found a lost black cat. You know what I did? I took that feline in and nursed it back to health. Now, it just hangs out on my farm chillin' and shit. Way better than a real cat.

Guess what? The whole time I was writing this I planted a bunch of corn, and in two days I'm going to cruise around in my harvester cutting it all down and selling it at the market. You know what you do with corn when you try to sell it at the real market? You have to pay a train company money to haul all your shit to some distributer just so you can get ripped off. Fuck that. It only took me 3 clicks. I'll probably reach a new level, too.

Forget real farming. Farmville. That's low hanging fruit I can get into.

a So sO T REx, Farmville addict 2009, fiend 2010, no longer living real life 2012