Sweet! It's new year's eve! It's time to get crunked up, dance my ass off, and slam my tongue down someone's throat.
But no, first, let's deal with some corporate bullshit! YAY!
New year's eve is the most hyped up party night of the year, but you know what? It always fuckin' sucks. This night is run by a bunch of commercial, thieving, greedy bastards attempting to fit too many people, not enough drinks, and lines for everything into one place; then, charge WAY too much for it.
Oh boy, here you go, it's 9 PM and you and all your friends just finished getting ready. Time to paaaarrrtttaaaayyyyyyy bitches! By this time, you've had 2-4 drinks, depending how much of a booze hound you are.
Time to get a cab, which as we all know, is a huge pain in your whiskey lovin' ass on NYE. Full....full....full....full....YES got one! Of course you get into the poetry writing taxi man's little yellow open mic night. Did I mention he drives slower than my grandmother and has as much road presence as a 4 year old little girl on a pink Barbie bicycle?
Oh well, the cab ride from hell is over - let's fuckin' do this, gonnnnnnaaaa ggeeet mmmyyy sweeeeerrrvvvveeeee onnnnn. So you roll up to the destination, with your pimp walk going - WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS?
_____________________15.mins______________________________________30. mins_______________________45.mins_You, Friend, Friend, Friend__________60.mins_____________________________1 hr 15 mins
45 minutes later....we're in. Well, I guess that wasn't so bad, except my sweet buzz is gone so let's grab a beverage. Oh wait, there's a line for that. 15 minutes go by and you're finally sucking back a watered down vodka soda. By the time you finish that drink, the wait to get a drink is now over 20 minutes. So now it's getting later, you lost your buzz, can't get a drink, and any chance of being drunk by midnight is out the window.
You're pissed off, have half a goddamn hangover, and midnight is quickly approaching - bail now or stick it out?
OUT OF ALCOHOL? Out of alcohol? Really? Dude, screw this, let's go somewhere else - LINE, let's go somewhere else - LINE, then midnight passes...........while you're in a taxi.......let's champagne toast with Ali Baba.
You end up heading home 20 minutes past midnight and SLAM DOWN whatever alcohol you have..................(night over)..........
So, let's see, I spent over $150, spent more time bitching about the situation than "getting crunked up, dancing my ass off, and slamming my tongue down someone's throat", and I STILL WAKE UP WITH A HANGOVER. FML.
The thing about new year's eve and about 98% of its organizer don't give a FLYING FUCK, they are giving a half ass, greedy, low down effort and you're gettin' the shit end of the stick.
Now that sounds like some low ass hangin' fruit to me.
Starbucks Seductress, shorty, what have you drank?
Dear Greg,
ReplyDeleteI know very little, but I do know that there is nothing either good, nor bad, but thinking makes it so. Let's count our little blessings here: you were neither drunk, nor driving--so the rest of us benefited greatly, and you never managed to hook up so we are spared any possibility of another generation of twisted, battered DNA entering the evolutionary train, and, finally, you heard some poetry--which hopefully brought a little joy into you torpid, sordid evening. God bless, and HNY my much beloved nephew! Uncle Scrooge.
Haha - this wasn't my night! But Happy New Year to you too Scroogie!
ReplyDeleteGreg
HAHA..Just read this..and NYE in Denver is amazing. The bar we went to..no line (not lame either) and gave out free bottles of champagne to almost everyone in the bar...pretty awesome.
ReplyDelete