Quarter Life Crisis: The Best Excuse Ever

Recently I ran across an article about the so-called “Quarter-Life Crisis”(QLC). Shortly thereafter I realized that I had struck gold.

I’m sure you’ve all heard of the Mid-Life Crisis, where depressed, aging, balding, fattening men go out and (depending on the severity of said crisis) buy a convertible (poor, rich, classy), dye their hair, hit the tanning salon, and maybe get some strange. The QLC is a similar existential crisis, but because it happens in your 20’s when you’re likely still poor, it manifests itself differently.

The QLC is basically a 5-year stretch in your twenties that you are allowed to achieve nothing because you’re still trying to “figure it all out”. That means that you don’t have to be working at a “career track” job, you don’t have to get engaged, and you don’t have to stop getting sloppy drunk 2-3 nights a week. It is a license to be a grown-up kid. Think of it as the after party for college.

There are a few things you need to do in order to successfully pass as a QLC sufferer, lucky for us, they’re simple and easy:

When asked about your job, say: “It’s interesting, and I’m learning a lot, but I don’t know if I can really see myself doing it forever”

When asked about further education, say: “I’d like to go to grad-school, but I’m just not sure what I want to do yet. Plus, these days, they’re recommending a 3-5 year break after undergrad.”

When asked about romantic commitment, say: “Of course I’d like to have Thanksgiving with your parents, but I’m still thinking about working on that organic farm in Ibiza in November, so I just can’t say for sure.”

General rule: The more vague you are about the next several years, the better. Use qualifiers like “might”, and “probably”. Make plenty of references to places you’d like to live and things you’d like to do before you have to “settle down”.

So, for those of you that pass the age qualifications (sorry, 29 is the absolute limit), get out there and procrastinate! After all, you’ve got nothing but time.

IVH - Bonus Apropos Second Meaning: QLC = “Que La Chinga”, or, the equivalent of WTF en español.