Ah sweet excitement and inspiration! You come to see me so few many times and so far between each visit!
The inspiration from New Year's resolutions is sweeping the nation: gyms are packed, Muscle and Fitness subscriptions are at an all time high, and health food stores can't stock enough fish oil products (boosts the metabolism after all). Sign me up, sign me up, sign me up.
Dooo dooo dooo dooo, dooo dooo dooo, dooo dooo dooo dooo, doop, doo doo doo doo doo (repeat)
I'll be generous and say that it's Feb. 13th and holy crap, you have a girlfriend or boyfriend because you've been hitting the gym, reading Muscle and Fitness on the shitter, and shoving fish oil tablets up your butt for a month and a half.
By March 15th, you've settled in, had a sig. oth. for about 40 days or so and you know.....you start to let go a little. An extra cookie here, 'oh honey, just one more beer?' there. Did I say 3 pieces of bacon? I meant 4. Wait, 5. You've lost interest in buying toilet paper, what better use than those Muscle and Fitness mags?
I'm getting off topic, although you can look forward to a 'how you know if you've let go as a sig.oth.' post.
June 17th, it's a Monday, and Mint.com just called your fuckin' bluff. You are now officially spending a stupid amount of money each month on various products.
Gym membo: $45.99 (not counting the ghastly $100 "initiation fee" knocked down as a '1 time offer' from $32,000 - really? It's normally $32,000? Why yes, yes it is. Oh yeah, and thanks a fuckin' lot for walking me around so I can look at your love handles as you show me where the dumbbells are, thanks, I couldn't use my own eyes). You are now using the gym less than or equal to 2x a week and rreaaalllyyy getting your money's worth.
Underground Strength Coach Online Membership: remember when you want to be all bad ass and walk around with sand bags, scale buildings, and flip cars? Well I do. I've been paying $12.95 for the past 14 months to be a member of a website I've literally looked at 12 times.
Magazine Subscriptions: no longer do you read these, they just add to the mag-basket than EVERYONE has - don't you deny it! $$ go bye byes!
Fish oil: by now, your fish oil tablets are sticking together and bursting because you left them in your gym bag in the back of your car, which by the way, has been sitting there since May 17th, exactly a month since the last time you visited the gym.
Apparently, canceling memberships is way more difficult than quitting the marching band in high school. "Fuck you Ms. Kozlopolis, the flute is for nerds and sissies. I'm over it." Letters? Proof of address change? SSN? Damnnnnnnnnnn boyyyyyyy, that shit seems like a lotta work.
Another 3 or 4 months drags on, your gut inflating steadily, and your wallet draining in exact correlation with your flabbo stommo - weird.
Fuck it, I'll get to canceling those tomorrow, or next week, or.......whatever.....
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